Officially came to the end of the semester. Feel like as if I have just graduated. Relieved.
Nice holidays ahead. Really looking forward to this new phase. Cool bananas!
Thursday, November 29, 2007
Wednesday, November 28, 2007
Graditute
It's been a year since I walked out of this... I don't even have a word to describe it... it's like a huge grey cloud of cotton that suffocates... I couldn't remember much of it, how and when it got so out of hand. I just remember the time when I knew I had to hold myself together despite this nerve wrecking heart breaking pain. I just remember biting my teeth and wake up in the mornings to fake that I was okay.
The times were dark, as if, I was being left behind alone deep in the ocean, absolutely lost and not knowing when was the rescue before my tank of oxygen eventually ran out. All I could hear was my own breathing. Everything else just seemed liveless. I was just merely breathing. Breathing with uncertainties, fear, anxious and frustration. Not sure if I was going to survive this. In such circumstance, there was really no other way to die. Either way it's a slow and painful death.
God's fair. He made it extremely hard for me to die so that I would choose to live. He knows me better than anyone else. He was working with me in order to revive this being. He sent 2 angels and he talked to me. Well, he's always been talking to me, but this time, I finally heard him. He let me experienced moments of grace.
395 days had passed. He's equipped me well I know. As if there was a nice thick cushion always behind me if I fall, I could just fall fearlessly as I know I would land nowhere else but here. That is the sort of courage I am living with now.
Ah.. that song by F4. It might not be the fairy tale ending, but it's a good ending. It made me realize the pontentials that dwell in me, my amazingly high threshold of pain. That, most importantly of all it's about the free will that God has gifted us. We make choices, there are only 2 outcomes, wise choice or stupid choice, one way or another.
My 2 angels, Sing Ya and Wailing. Thanks bud and mate!
The times were dark, as if, I was being left behind alone deep in the ocean, absolutely lost and not knowing when was the rescue before my tank of oxygen eventually ran out. All I could hear was my own breathing. Everything else just seemed liveless. I was just merely breathing. Breathing with uncertainties, fear, anxious and frustration. Not sure if I was going to survive this. In such circumstance, there was really no other way to die. Either way it's a slow and painful death.
God's fair. He made it extremely hard for me to die so that I would choose to live. He knows me better than anyone else. He was working with me in order to revive this being. He sent 2 angels and he talked to me. Well, he's always been talking to me, but this time, I finally heard him. He let me experienced moments of grace.
395 days had passed. He's equipped me well I know. As if there was a nice thick cushion always behind me if I fall, I could just fall fearlessly as I know I would land nowhere else but here. That is the sort of courage I am living with now.
Ah.. that song by F4. It might not be the fairy tale ending, but it's a good ending. It made me realize the pontentials that dwell in me, my amazingly high threshold of pain. That, most importantly of all it's about the free will that God has gifted us. We make choices, there are only 2 outcomes, wise choice or stupid choice, one way or another.
My 2 angels, Sing Ya and Wailing. Thanks bud and mate!
Thurs/partly cloudy/possibly late storm/top 29 C
OHhh.. it's coming to the end of term. I am finishing up my last class tomorrow. Somehow feel relieved that it's going to be over. Funny feelings. I don't know, I can never really tell who's being truthful. People just live their lives wearing/rotating different masks everyday. How bitter. Like, you never truely know if you are talking to the true and real or the animated masks. Feel pretty turned off by it, it's just pure pollutions!
It's the global warming, Spring becomes shorter and it's just approaching end of November, climate is rather warm and getting warmer. Another prediction of hot and no-much rain Summer.
You don't really hear jingle bells in southern atmosphere, I don't reckon Santa would want to visit here as Summer in Australia is known for its harmful UV and scorching sun. Not unless Santa really really likes BBQ, then he can join the locals to BBQ up a storm here. Now if you want my advice, lose that red cotton suit, have a shave, put on Billabong and Bob's your uncle mate! Oh, those reindeers... don't bring 'em or it's a sure bet that they would end up on the barbie.
The only thing I like about this season is that it's cherry season! Absolutely love 'em. A drive up to the local orchard, pick-ya-own cherries. Woooo.... can't beat that. Hopefully there are some big ripe juicy ones next week! Mangoes are so cheap. A box of 10 huge ones for just 12 dollars! I have a feeling that mangoes are oversupplied this season.
I am a little excited about my holidays yeah! Taiwan, gonna take lots lots of pictures and eat lots lots of taiwanese delicacies!
It's the global warming, Spring becomes shorter and it's just approaching end of November, climate is rather warm and getting warmer. Another prediction of hot and no-much rain Summer.
You don't really hear jingle bells in southern atmosphere, I don't reckon Santa would want to visit here as Summer in Australia is known for its harmful UV and scorching sun. Not unless Santa really really likes BBQ, then he can join the locals to BBQ up a storm here. Now if you want my advice, lose that red cotton suit, have a shave, put on Billabong and Bob's your uncle mate! Oh, those reindeers... don't bring 'em or it's a sure bet that they would end up on the barbie.
The only thing I like about this season is that it's cherry season! Absolutely love 'em. A drive up to the local orchard, pick-ya-own cherries. Woooo.... can't beat that. Hopefully there are some big ripe juicy ones next week! Mangoes are so cheap. A box of 10 huge ones for just 12 dollars! I have a feeling that mangoes are oversupplied this season.
I am a little excited about my holidays yeah! Taiwan, gonna take lots lots of pictures and eat lots lots of taiwanese delicacies!
Friday, November 9, 2007
Transition
Right now, I AM going through a major transition, which is to ultimately transform Me/Meself.
Questions seemed to be acknowledged and answered. I am yet to digest them all, one by one, word by word, piece by piece. I am aware of the transitions within. Suddenly became conscious about this being. Never seemed to be so certain about the signals that I am picking up.
I have yet to witness what is to become. I am aware of this though, it is a major one. This Self, this Being is ready to trans-form, spiritually, mentally and physically.
I thank my mentor, God for this. I used to fear Him/Her and then He/She seemed so distantly; now I love Him/Her in the most primitive and natural way and now He/She is just right here, like He/She has always been here and will ever be here.
It feels complicated, yet it is the simplest. The simplest is yet the hardest.
I have lived unconsciously for 28 years. It feels good to come around. With most graditude, I am thankful that this is happening now, just 2 weeks before my 29th birthday. This is perhaps the only and the biggest gift I have truely given myself. No, I am not re-born (that would be in worldly term). I, simply just choose to be and be-come, conscious.
I have never really looked forward to any birthday of mine. I am and will be looking forward to every birthday that I have from now on. To celebrate Myself, indeed.
Questions seemed to be acknowledged and answered. I am yet to digest them all, one by one, word by word, piece by piece. I am aware of the transitions within. Suddenly became conscious about this being. Never seemed to be so certain about the signals that I am picking up.
I have yet to witness what is to become. I am aware of this though, it is a major one. This Self, this Being is ready to trans-form, spiritually, mentally and physically.
I thank my mentor, God for this. I used to fear Him/Her and then He/She seemed so distantly; now I love Him/Her in the most primitive and natural way and now He/She is just right here, like He/She has always been here and will ever be here.
It feels complicated, yet it is the simplest. The simplest is yet the hardest.
I have lived unconsciously for 28 years. It feels good to come around. With most graditude, I am thankful that this is happening now, just 2 weeks before my 29th birthday. This is perhaps the only and the biggest gift I have truely given myself. No, I am not re-born (that would be in worldly term). I, simply just choose to be and be-come, conscious.
I have never really looked forward to any birthday of mine. I am and will be looking forward to every birthday that I have from now on. To celebrate Myself, indeed.
Tuesday, November 6, 2007
My Time
Finally found time and accomplished these beauties! It felt good to find time for myself to do the things that have always sorta knocked on your head and went "hello? When are you ever?".
It's really just about getting the tools out and sit my ass down and really start working on it!
These were my 1st attempt on Fruit and Vegetable carvings. Well, I have to say, I am truly quite, talented. Yeah, got the flair for it. Geeze am I thrilled! Okay, then again, must be humble. Hm.....
These are for you, who reads this. Also thank you God for this gift, it hasn't gone unnoticed afterall. Enjoy.
C.O.C.O.N.U.T
These buns are what I call "Snail Bun", they are coconut buns. Named snail bun because of the swirl it has, like a snail's shell. I made them in my kitchen in Melbourne. These bring back the memories of my childhood in Sibu, Sarawak. Hm... the taste, not exactly the same as in the memories, but still good. Somethings in life you can sorta replicate, mimic or reproduce, but somehow it's never the same again.
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