Graditute

It's been a year since I walked out of this... I don't even have a word to describe it... it's like a huge grey cloud of cotton that suffocates... I couldn't remember much of it, how and when it got so out of hand. I just remember the time when I knew I had to hold myself together despite this nerve wrecking heart breaking pain. I just remember biting my teeth and wake up in the mornings to fake that I was okay.

The times were dark, as if, I was being left behind alone deep in the ocean, absolutely lost and not knowing when was the rescue before my tank of oxygen eventually ran out. All I could hear was my own breathing. Everything else just seemed liveless. I was just merely breathing. Breathing with uncertainties, fear, anxious and frustration. Not sure if I was going to survive this. In such circumstance, there was really no other way to die. Either way it's a slow and painful death.

God's fair. He made it extremely hard for me to die so that I would choose to live. He knows me better than anyone else. He was working with me in order to revive this being. He sent 2 angels and he talked to me. Well, he's always been talking to me, but this time, I finally heard him. He let me experienced moments of grace.

395 days had passed. He's equipped me well I know. As if there was a nice thick cushion always behind me if I fall, I could just fall fearlessly as I know I would land nowhere else but here. That is the sort of courage I am living with now.

Ah.. that song by F4. It might not be the fairy tale ending, but it's a good ending. It made me realize the pontentials that dwell in me, my amazingly high threshold of pain. That, most importantly of all it's about the free will that God has gifted us. We make choices, there are only 2 outcomes, wise choice or stupid choice, one way or another.

My 2 angels, Sing Ya and Wailing. Thanks bud and mate!